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fear. again. - RAW and REAL

Mar. 7th, 2009

10:38 am - fear. again.

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... about two thirds of our daily thoughts are fear-based. While fear is useful for self-protective measures, to keep you alive, it also gets in the way, as has been talked about before, many times... I wonder if I'm challenging myself enough to confront fear. And because I need to wonder about it, I'm probably not.

So, now, on my agenda is to pinpoint which fears I may want to tackle and how to go about doing it. A more methodical approach is my choice, as I have made silly mistakes by rushing in unprepared in the past... learning through error does work.

I'd like to make more mistakes. ...must have more learning.

Comments:

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From:dace
Date:March 7th, 2009 08:49 pm (UTC)
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Every emotion has usefulness. Fear is a primitive way of responding to a situation that your don't know how to handle. And when you don't know how to handle a threatening situation, fear may be the best response you have available to you. The process of intentionally overcoming fear involves a greater understanding of that which you are afraid of. If you understand something well enough, you can embrace it or sublimate it into something that you can embrace or into nothing at all. That's really the ultimate thing, right?

Mistakes can be useful for learning (cause that's where new ideas come from), and overcoming the fear of making them is very helping in doing so (because it keeps the focus on what want, as opposed to what you don't). But ultimately, you're going to learn more from your (and other people's) successes.
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From:ajpu
Date:March 7th, 2009 10:21 pm (UTC)
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(it will be fun to respond to each sentence individually... your responses are so full of "know-it-all-ness"... this is my attempt to build on that, as your intentions are to be helpful, I assume)

Yes, every emotion is useful, I am focusing on fear, in particular, because I feel it has the most to teach me currently.

I think fear is more encompassing than simply a primitive response to situations we don't know how to handle.

Fear is present along with other emotions when any threatening situation appears regardless of whether or not we know how to handle it (although is likely a lot stronger during situations we are unfamiliar with). It can be used as a mobilizing force when you do know what to do (or have an idea).

Seeking out what I am afraid of is the process of self discovery, and deciding to overcome it is the process of personal growth... things I fully believe in.

Seeking to understand the unknown... I like to embrace it all, to not pass judgment, to have compassion for anything I find.

I'm not sure about the ultimate thing, perhaps loving the process, even the moments of rest and accepting the way things are.


New ideas pop up all over the place, pinning them down and putting words to them can be tricky, as thoughts and feelings are fluid.

I have a fear of being too awesome (to put it simply)... this may sound ridiculous, but it is the fear of success... of being a source of great strength. It's comforting (and disappointing) for me to be a bit smaller than what I think I could be. And I don't want the potential attention of being bigger than others, I'd want everyone to be just as big. That's why it's easier to be big around other people who already are...

So, essentially, I would only truly succeed if "other people" succeeded too (regarding this particular fear). My journey of self is not my own, I'm tied to everyone else in a way I don't understand... and don't need to right now.

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From:ajpu
Date:March 7th, 2009 10:39 pm (UTC)
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I'm thinking the fear of success is like an umbrella fear, and there are lots of bits, more specific fears, that I could recognize little by little, break it down into manageable parts.

And, of course, there's always the unseen "magic" at work. The progress we make that we are unaware of, simply by being a part of a whole in and of ourselves.

(...I'm feeling so spiritual)
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From:dace
Date:March 7th, 2009 11:00 pm (UTC)
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Do you think you have a fear of not being awesome enough? How do you feel about the idea of being smaller than others? Is there a fear of not being equal or not being able to identify with others?
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From:ajpu
Date:March 7th, 2009 11:52 pm (UTC)
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I think, yes, I would be upset if I knew deep down I hadn't challenged myself enough, and therefore did not achieve the awesomeness I wanted. I'm not sure if that's the same as fear. I'm pretty gentle with myself these days which is quite helpful, because I usually have no problem motivating myself into challenge when I have the instinct that I should.

The idea of being smaller... I wouldn't like it. I would ask the "others" to help enlighten me. Or else I'd try and figure it out on my own, looking to them as leading by example. I don't feel this very often, I like to think we are all just at a different place of learning (like I ♥ Huckabee's*) and that's how no one is "really" more or less, just at a different position. Everyone is a teacher, and you can learn something from every person who comes into your life.

I like being equal and identifying with others and it happens, and feels good. So I'm not afraid of it not happening because it does happen... but maybe you're asking if I found myself in a situation where I didn't feel equal and couldn't identify with others, would that cause fear?, and I think, yes... I think that's one point, I like being equal, feeling equal, and it's scary to think of myself as "bigger", if it was noticeable, and people started treating me differently, unequal. It's funny I'm not afraid of feeling "being" smaller, I guess I feel like it won't happen... heh.


*I ♥ Huckabee's is a movie... have you seen it?... it's kinda cool.
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From:ajpu
Date:March 8th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
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I'm now considering what would define "bigger" as I've been using. It seems I'm implying that I wouldn't feel "smaller" ever, but that other people would if I was "bigger"... I think the idea of being bigger and being treated differently is my own fabrication, a barrier.

...this fear of being big appears to be diminishing as it is losing validity...
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From:dace
Date:March 9th, 2009 03:05 am (UTC)
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I ♥ I ♥ Huckabee's! That's a great movie!

I think I'm curious about how (and why) your feelings different about being bigger and being smaller.

When you feel (or imagine yourself feeling) bigger than someone, does it seem like that person is not pushing themselves as much as you'd like to them do? And when you feel bigger, how do you feel about taking on the roll of enlightening them and helping them get bigger too?
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From:ajpu
Date:March 12th, 2009 02:45 am (UTC)
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I will try to explain. I have a hard time thinking in terms of bigger and smaller now... it feels like I would be saying I'm better, and who am I to say I'm better than anyone. I'm not. So I'd rather use different words. Like sometimes I feel more vibrant and energetic than others, and sometimes I feel proud and bursting with life... but I still feel reverent for the times when I don't feel so great.

I just wanted to not use the words bigger and smaller.


I like to be aware of the moments where I may have an insight for someone, but I do not size someone up and put myself above them and in charge of their enlightenment. I'm always a student too, I'd rather bring out the bits of things they know, strengthen each other... more of a 2 way reciprocity thing. I'm uncomfortable in a strict teacher position.
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From:dace
Date:March 12th, 2009 01:16 pm (UTC)

reward

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I'm not sure what you meant by strict teacher position. Did you mean to imply being a strict teacher or like a teacher position, strictly speaking?

how do you feel about helping out people who may not be able to offer you anything in return? Just for the sake of helping them?
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From:ajpu
Date:March 13th, 2009 12:07 am (UTC)

Re: reward

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hm. poor word choice. I meant when I an acting solely as teacher, the only teacher and simply teaching, nothing more... just teacher. I just don't like it. There are exceptions of course... sometimes I like teaching people board games and such.

I have no problem helping someone without expecting or wanting anything in return.

In that situation the person has given me an opportunity to be helpful, that's something, and it'll happen to me soon enough where someone will help me and I have nothing tangible to offer... pay it forward!

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